I love black thongs
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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