I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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