We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i dont even know how to be here
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
