Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
