I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Operation Purity has been aborted
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
