You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
