I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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