He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
When are your genitals available?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Shame is for Republicans.
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