He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
