I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
