Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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