Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
