my vag is so smooth its legendary
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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