Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
