i may or may not be watching the land before time
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize