i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This is the high leading the old right now
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
