dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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