oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
