Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
