I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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