Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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