you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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