He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
