This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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