so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
