In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
