so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
