Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize