You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
