I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
