Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
