I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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