i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
