He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
