Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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