Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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