yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
