Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
