True but thats because hes a fetus.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
