Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
