mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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