Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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