We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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