Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
