Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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