Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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