I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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