I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
