I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
