i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
