since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm just crazy horny about you
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
