at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
