Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
