Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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