I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize