i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
