I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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