Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
