So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
