How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
