Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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