just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My pussy is not your playground.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Boobs speak an international language.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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