I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
