i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize