You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
