It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i believe in u and ur pee
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
