you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
