Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
