I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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