Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
