I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You were trust falling into bushes
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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