The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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