K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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