I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
