i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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