I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize