the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
