Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
