Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
