Do you still have your period?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
