I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
