oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
