Do you still have your period?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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