doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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