remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
