she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
