Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
