Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
