apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
