I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize