Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
