I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
