And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
