Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
