oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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